I am currently awake to revise for my exam but I give up. I find that I remember almost everything taught in lectures and labs simply because I had such a wonderful professor teaching me. Aside from the exam, I have found out that in my module which is named as ‘Decision Support Systems’ I have achieved 93% overall. For ‘Database design’ there are three assignments in which for two I have achieved 86/100 and 90/100. The last assignment was a group work which involved creating a website, which I have presented and created on my own. Simply because the partner I shared the group work with; has no clue how to program.
For the module ‘IS and Analysis’ I am a bit concerned. I have an exam on Monday for this module which will determine what I result in. For Research I have scored 85/100. My grades are decent though I pray I get a first class overall. This is since I want to study Graduate Law Diploma at London School of Economics. I pray I achieve 1st class overall.
I have recently made one accomplishment; I have become a Student Learning Assistant at my university. Which means I shall teach students how to create databases and how to query data using SQL. Loads of technical rubbish being poured into this blogpost which doesn’t concern my readers one bit.
My blog posts are so personal. They’re the random embarrassing thoughts one must make the heart and mine consume.
Forget university, here’s something interestingly stupid. Again, doesn’t concern anyone here.
I was fifteen when I first met this guy online. I know, so pathetic. So we started speaking online, and then we decided to meet one another. We instantly liked one another online hence we decided to meet. He was a student from Pakistan, studying at a university in London. So we met at Waterloo station. I can still clearly picture him walking through the rushed and crowded lanes of waterloo road, with his phone near his ears and him smiling and setting his gaze’s upon every passer. His eyes searching for me. I found him in the depth of the crowd. I started to tease him on the phone saying I am at this place and made him walk there whilst I walked slowly behind him. So later, we met. And we were in a relationship for quite some time.
I still remember he would do extra shifts at work to earn enough to spend on me. Which I appreciated and never ever misused him for any materialistic things. I have always, had a firm grasp of being independent and paying for myself. I never allow the guy to pay if I do go on dates. Which is never lately. lol.
So I suddenly realised by the end of year 11, that I am a student. I am already in a sticky situation at home, how can I carry out a relationship and make promises to someone when I am myself adapting myself and moulding myself in to situations that are being thrown at me. So I wanted to break up. I broke up.
He cried. He was upset. He contacted all of my friends after I blocked him on all social media. Being a muslim he did not drink. Later, he started drinking. He started to lose himself completely. I felt utterly disgusted at myself for making him go through that but I felt like it had to be done. So on Wednesday I had my scan. It was at Waterloo station. As I came out of that station I pictured how I met him. The crowd. The traffic. His smile. The cheekiness of his smile. I felt like crying. I WANTED HIM BACK. But I had lost him a long time before.
So I just started contacting my friends who were in contact with him, they told me he left for Australia. I was shocked. They didn’t have his contact. I felt so disheartened and broken down. I made his happen. I ruined everything. I always do. So, I prayed and made dua (supplement) that God I am remembering him with all my heart. With the purest heart and I seek refuge in you to help me. Please help me find him. I just want to say I am sorry one last time for hurting him.
To my joy he contacted a friend the next day! GOSHHHH. And we got back in contact. He is in Sydney and he is working. He has changed so much yet his feelings for me are still the way they were when I first met him. I mean I feel like I shouldn’t have left but at the same time I feel like it’s good. I became focused on my education. I mean if I had wrong intentions at the time then perhaps we wouldn’t meet again. My focus was on education and it wasn’t something wrong. Or am I just justifying my wrong actions?
So moral of the story is, you will meet people even if they leave for the time being. I felt hurt when he first left but I mean I grew myself and he grew himself into the man he is now. We both had to earn different experiences. He is far. But I still have him. I still talk to him. He is still my support. We have decided to keep it at a friendship level, because I just don’t trust people. I don’t want a relationship. I just wanted to say sorry and so I have.