25.03.2017

What’s more expensive than a diamond, is buying an ear that listens. An ear that reflects and responds. An ear that is attentive. 

Gather all the riches, but having an ear that listens is the greatest treasure of all. 

24.03.2017

So yesterday I went out with a friend of mine to an Art gallery and spent some time admiring how beautiful London is. 

This is some of the Art from the Art gallery; 


Here’s a few clicks of London yesterday; 


And here is me; 

It was a good day. 

19.03.17

I am so infuritated. Unconditionally incensed. Kamran and I keep keep arguing over the same issue. He doesn’t like it when I use twitter. How can one be so controlling yet say ‘I am not controlling’.

Okay let’s get this straight first. I love the Big Bang Theory, so I tweeted Kunal Nayyar (The guy who plays Raj on Big Bang Theory) and so he followed me back. OH MY FRIKIN DAYS. YES KUNAL NAYYAR FOLLOWED ME BACK. Don’t believe me? Go to twitter and search up Kunal’s followers. He follows @SadafTahir_ . I am in the first few therefore the search will not take long. No I didn’t beg him to follow me, I simply quoted tweeted a tweet which said ‘Disney is looking for two actors to play the role of Jasmine and Alladin in Alladin’. So I quote tweeted it saying ‘Me and @KunalNayyar would make the perfect characters, he is Indian and I am Pakistani’.

So how does this relate to my fight with Kamran? Don’t you see KUNAL NAYYAR FOLLOWS ME. I AM A HUGE FAN OF HIS! I LOVE HIM TO BITS. IF I LEAVE TWITTER HOW CAN I CONTACT KUNAL BACK AGAIN?!

I just don’t understand how he says whatever the hell he wants and get’s away with it simply because he is a guy? He tells me to look after his wishes and there’s things he likes or dislikes, I must abide by the rules. I don’t understand? What about my wishes? It’s just unfair. I want to stay on twitter. Can’t he trust me enough for gods sake? He can take my account, I just have a habit of tweeting. His behaviour is irking me enough that I am at the embryionic stage of killing myself.

Ugh anyways, I have better things to post about. For instance my new glasses from SpecSavers. Oh gosh, they’re so beautiful. But Kamran disgarees. He feels these type of glasses are worn by the elderely.

Here’s a picture of my new gla Josses:

IMG_20170318_121127.jpg

DSUHDUFHIOAHFIOWEHFWIE this is exactly how I feel right now. I can’t even swear.

The guy who served me at SpecSavers yesterday, was quite rude. But near the end of my eye test he seemed quite intrigued by me. He asked rather stated I was from Turkey, to which I objectified in instant as I feel frustrated at everyone thinking I am from Turkey. I ensured he knew I was Pakistani.

So another option for my eyesight would be lenses. I have a trouble keeping my glasses on. I most certainly will not get blue contact lenses but here is an image of the ones I edited on to my eyes:

InShot_20170319_182346.jpg

I look so red. lol. So what are your opinions on glasses or lenses? Which is the better option?

(P.s idc about the spelling errors nor the grammer).

Me

Well since I can’t sleep here is an edited picture of me. I don’t care about the quality, the art is beautiful. I have become so busy. A lot of university tasks, a lot of grades to be achieves and I am hoping for a 1:1 degree. Fingers crossed. Pray for me. Help me. Suggest me tips on revision. Please. I am really nervous. I just want a 1:1 degree. 

15.03.17

A lot to express, not enough words. Not being able to express is a disease indeed. I am at present occupied with university assignments. Need to create a website, need to write my final dessertation, need to design a system and of course need to prepare for my exam in May. I am terrible with time management. I have university from Monday till Wednesday. Then Thursday and Friday I spend at the law firm, seeking experience in becoming a lawyer. And so finally I spend my weekend at Sainsburys working. I do not have a single day off. Life is just so difficult. I just can’t seem to cope. The tasks seem to pile up every minute, it seems.

I am drifting in to sleep whilst I type this. To be honest I am not even bothered right now. i feel so sleepy. I need sleep.

Oh, me and Kamran are back togther again. That was the most terrible break up in the history of break ups. Crying everyday. Missing him everyday. Well at least we learned each others worth, whilst being away from one another. I love him very much.

 

 

Beginning… 

I am beginning to open my eyes as the darkness has befriended me. 

I am Beginning to breath a little now as my heart has learned to beat once again. 

I am beginning to live now that life has become my companion. 

I am beginning to trust a little now that someone has put faith in me. 

01.03.2017

Oh, today was such an inconvenient day. Well not entirely, my evening was very good. I’d regard it as a terrible day because of Kamran. My recent breakup with him has left me devastated and dismayed. I wish I could get over it. I truly hate my sentient personality. I wish I was a big monster with a heart made of iron. I truly wish that I don’t ever meet another guy ever again. Life isn’t just about relationships and shouldn’t be regarded as complete just for the reason that you have a successful and blossoming relationship with your partner.

I now want to be like Sheldon Cooper, who establishes no feelings and sentiment for the people around him. I envy him. This is what a breakup does to you, it makes you want to be a character from a drama serial. Man, I have got to get out more and meet new people. Actually no, last time I tried meeting new people; I met Kamran. And my heart knows how well that turned out.

I keep crying and crying over the fact he is no longer in my life. He is rejoicing that he and his family are together back home. simultaneously here is my heart being crushed to pieces. Oh Romeo, thou art a heartless bitch.

I believe that is adequate negativity and now for some positive events which took place today. I went to university today. And I sat down at a table with my friends in the Quad. I did not attend any of my lectures nor my classes. Not entirely a waste of journey as my friends made me realise I must learn to appreciate myself. They filled the void of Kamran.

In all honesty the outcome of today has left me puzzled. I do not feel anything for the sad situation which has befallen me. I am done with the regrets and the sadness, but sudden bursts of tears seem likely tonight. I don’t know how to behave or respond to the dilemma that life has gifted me with. How does one move on from a relationship which lasted a year and a half? How does one move on from the ‘promises’?

I don’t know. I have no answers. I am a child trying to comprehend whether the egg came first or the hen. I want to be away from here. I want to be with someone who makes me happy. Even if that someone is a toy teddy.

I am so not in to the writing skills today. A bit too emotional to check my grammar and whether my sentence structure is logical. Everything seems so illogical. I felt obliged to type all of this. Perhaps it may help me to feel better. I am a soul that constantly is in need of some sort of refuge to alleviate the pain.

It’s times like these that I begin to question God, why did he let me fall in love with a deceiver. Why? The purpose of my heart is to love others, not break down. I don’t like what I am feeling. I hate it. In a constant state of agitation with worsening health. May the pain strike so much that it kills me. I don’t want to feel death every second. Gosh.

Saddest part is that I thought I’d never come to a stage in life where my trust would be broken. Never did I ever think that I would be betrayed. Never.

Listen 

Listen now, the night is talking. Tales of the old and the poor. Tales of the happy and the sad.  

Encompass the silence within yourself as you encompass the thoughts from ruining yourself. 

Life is of but two days, a good companion can make it a pleasant two day journey. For what’s more beautiful than the destination is the journey in itself. 

The night is quiet and sereen. During this journey I come clean. I like the darkness of the night reflecting a mirror image of my heart. 

The night shows me lanterns in the sky, guiding my way through the journey. What a magnificent night it truly is. 

The wind is my companion and the darkness is soul. The sounds I hear are the inner  thoughts. 

I must hush now, the night is talking. Let it hold me captive forever so that I may lose myself in the talking night. 

The ink

Would you understand the meanings of words if I wrote a book expressing my love for you?

Would you understand that I am the sea of ink whilst you are the sheet of white paper, pure and flawless.

If I say that when I start writing, the sky becomes the paper and the stars become my words?

The sea becomes my ink and the moon becomes the lantern that lights the night for me to write.

And I begin to write to my love. That my love, love hurts not only poor souls like myself but even the kingly of souls.

Wealth of love is much vaster than the king who occupies every empire. My foundation of empire is built upon trust whilst his is built upon bricks.

My labour is of attention whilst his is that of the blood.

The words do not do justice to what I feel for you, if my feelings could become words they would outnumber the stars and the sky would fall short of space.

I do not ask you to love me back my love, but simply to tell you that there is non that could love you more than I.  Continue reading “The ink”